Last Updated on August 14, 2022 by Paul Hradek
We all live our lives in line with certain values or beliefs. You could argue that these are the ‘rules’ we live by. But rules make it sound like things that can’t be broken. The reality for humans is that we are a lot less strict and our values/beliefs/’rules’ do change as we learn new things and go through life. But what do we do if our values/beliefs are too restrictive? What if they aren’t serving us but limiting us? Can we modify them to help us achieve our goals? We can! More on this later…
But first, a brief related detour. I am going to assume that most people like watching films, at least from time to time. But other than enjoying a good story, what else can films teach us? What messages can be gleaned from the characters we love to watch?
On my journey to becoming a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, I have discovered a lot about what makes people tick. I’ve also learnt about ways I want to behave, to live a good life, reduce anxiety and stress within my life and by proxy, my clients’ lives.
Most people would advise that it makes sense to reduce your exposure to negative or toxic people. I agree with this, but also, there might be some value in listening to at least some of what these people are saying. After all, everyone believes that what they say and do is of benefit to them. Listening to these people might allow us to hear a different point of view or at least how some people view situations differently to us.
The same can be said of films. Whilst we all tend to have a favourite genre of film, are we potentially missing out on other great stories by not viewing other types of film?
And what universal messages can we take from what might be seen as superficial films? Well, here is a film which won’t be top of any critic’s list, but is a guilty pleasure of mine. The lead character lives by rules and a code:
In Roadhouse, (1989) Patrick Swayze plays James Dalton, a club bouncer. He has three rules he lives by:
- Never underestimate your opponent/expect the unexpected.
- Take it outside.
- Be nice.
If you’ve seen the film, you’ll know that Dalton applies these rules to dealing with patrons of the clubs he works in.
But how can we apply these to our lives?:
- Never underestimate your opponent/expect the unexpected
- If you prepare for things going differently to how you planned, you will limit your disappointment. By all means look forward to things, but also be prepared in advance for how you might handle things if life throws you a curveball. This is not being negative; it is just realizing that sometimes life gets in the way of a good plan. (This is why I always have a first choice, second choice and a third choice planned when I go to a restaurant, in case my first choice is off the menu for some reason).
- Take it outside
- When immersed in a problem, it can seem bigger than it is. We need to take a moment, and step ‘outside’ to see everything in perspective. Sometimes, it pays to not react straight away, but take a breath and look at things from ‘outside the box’ or from someone else’s viewpoint (this applies to my comment about observing how different people look at things). If someone has done something that you take offense to, instead of reacting to it straightaway, why not take a moment to understand why you are offended, and if the person saying it meant it that way, or if they have a different way of looking at things?
- Be nice
- Abraham Lincoln said “You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry”. It costs nothing to be respectful and nice.
I still struggle with these things, but am a lot better at handling things now, based on a deeper understanding of how humans work.
As well as rules affecting values/beliefs, they can also govern habits. If you want to build body strength for example, you could have a ‘rule’ that you do ten pushups every day when you get out of bed. This ‘rule’ could well become a habit after twenty or so days. And before long, a little bit of effort every day will reap rewards.
If you feel like you would like to explore if some ‘rules’ would help you achieve your goals, get in touch to arrange your free, no commitment 30 minute consultation. (Eventually rules can be another name for habits).
Perhaps you’re struggling with dealing with emotional responses, have anger issues, or want to explore a positive solution state and would like a guide to help you change?
Maybe you have a favorite film and want to explore some spiritual lessons from them with me, as a means to living a better life?
Whatever it is that is limiting you, I can help (and I can probably stretch to looking at more critically acclaimed films than Roadhouse too!)
And finally, remember, if you happen to not follow a ‘rule’ that you have set up for yourself one day, don’t worry. Missing one day here or there will not affect the long term habit unless you choose to let it. After all, even the most seasoned rule/code followers do this. In “Transporter 3” Jason Statham’s character, Frank Martin, who also lived by a set of rules, said:
“I’m suspending that rule for the moment.”
Take care, and get in touch if you want to explore how I can help you with any of the topics mentioned here.
Paul