I wanted to write a bit about fear. What is fear? Well, fear not, I looked it up and it means:
“An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.”
But we all know that the experience or cause of fear is not universal. One person might be fearful of leaving the house, whereas the next might be fearful of driving. Fear is our unconscious mind imagining different negative scenarios in a projected future, based on our past experiences.
But can we use fear as a positive? I have and I believe we all can. Let me illustrate this with an example.
A few years ago, I accepted a friend’s invitation to go caving. Despite being terrified of small spaces and getting trapped, I’ve always been interested in caving. I’m aware this doesn’t make much sense. But we are all composed of conflicting parts, aren’t we?
Anyway, I accepted the invitation and we headed down to somewhere near Bath. Everything went fine until we found ourselves in a farmer’s field staring down into a small hole where we were due to descend to the cave. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by a severe panic attack, possibly the first I have ever experienced.
I remember thinking “What do I do? Tell the guys I can’t go down there? What excuse could I come up with? Could I tell these people that I was scared? What would I do whilst they were in the cave for several hours? Sit in one of the cars I came in? Sit in the damp, dark barn we got changed in?”
After all these thoughts, I had a moment of clarity. “What if I didn’t go down there? Would I ever go caving again in my life? What would I be missing out on?” The fear of NOT going down into the cave now arose within me. I could feel it overtake the fear of going down there and push that fear to the side. The panic attack dissipated, almost as soon as it arrived, with all my caving colleagues none the wiser of what had happened. Well, I don’t think they were. And if someone had noticed, I would’ve told them what I had just experienced.
Sometimes we can be scared/anxious/fearful of doing something or something happening. But what if the fear of NOT taking a chance on something you might enjoy is stronger? How many times have people taken a risk that others might perceive as dangerous or reckless, only for it to work out? And, yes, we might be scared, but sometimes we can relax into fear anyway and have a good time.
Oh, and as to the end of my story. I went into the cave and loved it (aside from a couple of tense moments in particularly small spaces!) I’m not going to be a regular caver, but I can say I’ve been caving and I know what it’s like. And I’m proud of that.
Could it help you to use the two sides of fear next time you need it?
If you want to talk to someone about dealing with your fears, or alternative ways of thinking about your fears, get in touch to arrange a free consultation.
And remember, sometimes the fear of not doing something can be your greatest ally.
All the best,
Paul
Love this simple perspective change!